Your true character is who you are when nobodys watching meaning

Character is what you understand when you encounter someone who doesn’t have it but lies, cheats and hurts others. It’s the negative characters that get our attention.

But there are also positive characters, ones who inspire us to be better people ourselves. We don’t notice them as often because they go about their lives not asking to be praised or noticed. Their strength comes from within. I think especially of those first responders who ran into the twin towers to save others or those today who ease the suffering of those stricken by Covid-19.

But what is character?

Character is who you are when no one is looking. It is the combination of your genes, choices, and behavior over a lifetime that show who you really are, not who others think you are or even who you think you are.

Here’s the basic thought of character as expressed by the Greek philosopher Heraclitus: “character is destiny.” He means that who you are in the deepest part of yourself shapes what happens to yourself and others.

You can’t blame your genes or your upbringing completely for the choices you have made, although you can often be shaped by the circumstances in which you find yourself, especially when growing up. But I have often found the people I most admire are those who have come from difficult beginnings but by their own choices and hard work become better human beings.

But you become a better person by practicing who you want to be. Practice may not make you perfect, but it does make you a better person if you try to live by what you say you believe. What really harms oneself and others is professing to believe something then acting otherwise.

If you want to be a compassionate person, practice being kind. “We are what we repeatedly do,” wrote Aristotle. The same applies if you want to be a thoughtful person – practice being thoughtful.

I know it is not politically correct these days to speak about role models, but I think role models are important, both for individual and societal well-being. And they are not always the obvious choices.

One of my role models was Bill, the janitor where I went to school. He simply hung around the cafeteria and listened. He had no formal degree except that of learning from life itself. But he practiced compassion, the gift of listening to someone without judging them, helping them reach their own decisions. When I taught, he was the example I tried to follow.

I once asked Bill what motivated him to act this way, and he responded: “I just try to treat others as I want to be treated.” That’s character.

I think about the character of Bill in the light of some of the political figures of our time who cheat, steal and lie their way to power and fame. What kind of role models are they for others, especially children?

Of course, there are ethical politicians just as there are moral persons in every vocation. The one I consult often for his wisdom is Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor who came to power in 161 A.D. during a time of wars and internal problems. This morning, I was reading his Meditations, and these words reached out across the centuries to remind me that even people in power can display great character. He wrote: “One thing here is worth a great deal, to pass thy life in truth and justice, with a benevolent disposition.”

Perhaps if our political, religious and civic leaders told the truth, practiced compassion, and sought justice, we’d have better role models and society.

John C. Morgan is a teacher, columnist and writer.