These four words can send your heart racing. Did you do something wrong? Is it something you said? Are you about to break up? Show
But knowing how to give someone space is a normal part of a healthy relationship. According to a recent slew of surveys, 10 percent of adults in the U.S., Canada, Western Europe, New Zealand, and Australia “live apart together.” But what about other types of relationships? It turns out that sometimes we need space from friends, family, and, yes, coworkers. Weirdly, we rarely tell coworkers and friends we need some space — at least not directly. Yet if there are long-term partners who choose not to live together, it makes sense that we can keep important relationships and ask for space. We can learn from these examples of keeping their distance to maintain autonomy while valuing their partners. The core principle is the same: everyone needs space sometimes. And some of us need more space than others. When we set healthy boundaries in relationships, we maintain our independence and sense of self. We free ourselves to connect with friends, pursue our hobbies, and take care of ourselves. These are all important kinds of self-care that can help your relationship in the long run. Now you have to figure out how to give someone space healthily. This can be tricky and requires lots of communication, but these conversations are necessary and will benefit you both in the long run.
Why is space important?Personal space goes beyond romantic relationships. You might feel agitated after spending too much time with a friend, coworkers, or family. Sometimes distance is necessary when someone feels like “too much.” And that may have nothing to do with them — your social battery might be at 0%. When you or a friend communicate a need for space, it’s not bad. It just means you need time to recoup to be a better friend to them. And if they refuse to leave you alone, they might have their own issues to work through. Sometimes low self-esteem, lack of control in life, or anxiety is at the heart of clinginess. What “space” actually meansIf someone asks you for space, they don’t love you. We know anxiety might try to convince you of that, but it’s not true. They just need time to indulge in other things that make them happy or recharge. When you take a step back, you give them the gift of:
And, most of all, you give them trust. You trust that they care about you and will be there when you need them — even if they need space. How to give someone space and timeHere’s how to give someone space without losing them: 1. Ask how much time they needKnowing there’s a time limit can help you relax if you’re nervous. You won’t have to be apart forever. Do they just need an evening to recuperate, or do they need a few days to get their stress under control? This is also a great way to validate their feelings and request. It’s difficult to muster up the courage to set a boundary. When you ask how much time they need, you’re telling them it’s okay. 2. Find out what “space” looks like“Space” can mean a lot of things. Maybe they need an evening per week to watch Netflix on their own, travel for a week, or go out with friends more often. They may also be referring to “emotional space.” For example, if you have a habit of trying to fix their problems, they might need you to let them figure it out. 3. Don’t ask for an explanationYou might feel hurt or rejected. But asking why they need alone time will make things worse. If they already feel like they need space, this will only make them feel more smothered. They may explain themselves without you asking. In this case, listen actively and without judgment. Otherwise, don’t press the subject. You aren’t entitled to their reasoning. 4. Thank them for communicating their needsGratitude shows them that you support their needs, personal goals, and interests. 5. Honor their requestOnce you commit to giving space, don’t go back on your promise. Assure them that your relationship will be fine, even if you take time away from it. 6. Encourage them to do their favorite thingsIt might have been a while since they asked for space. Encourage them to get back to some of the things they love. This will help them feel like they’re free to pursue their goals. 7. Avoid constant textingSmartphones, social media, and messaging apps make it easy to communicate, even when you’re not in the same room. Think about how much you’ve initiated contact lately. If it’s too often, it might be time to stop texting so much. Let them come to you when they’re ready. 8. Do your own thingSometimes, if you get too involved in your relationship, you neglect your own interests. What did you do for fun before you met this person? Maybe some space will reacquaint you with old hobbies. 9. Feel what you need to feelYou might be surprised or hurt that they’re asking for space. Take some time to process those emotions. Writing in a journal or meditating can help you let go of that negative energy and refrain from taking it personally. 10. Do something fun before disconnectingThis is a tip on how to give space without being distant: Do one of your favorite activities together before taking time apart. Spending time will give you something fun to remember until you see each other next. Are you invading someone’s space?Someone in your life might need breathing space but is afraid to tell you about it. And some people are afraid of giving space at all. This usually happens due to a fear of abandonment. This person may have previously set boundaries, only to experience a negative consequence. You might even share that fear. If you have an , you probably cling to people who are close to you. If that’s the case, you might unconsciously take up too much space. It’s crucial to get to the root of your fears to improve your mental health and be a better friend. Here are signs you might be contributing to an unhealthy or toxic relationship:
If you think you might be taking too much space, ask them about it. When you initiate the conversation, you communicate that it’s okay for them to set boundaries and you care enough about this person to respect them. Self-awareness is important in relationships at home and at work. BetterUp can help you cultivate this skill. We can help you do Inner Work® to take your relationships to the next level. How to ask for spaceAre you the one asking for space? This can be a difficult and vulnerable experience. Here are some tips to help you set boundaries: 1. Explain what space looks like to youThis will prevent the other person from jumping to conclusions about what you want. And, whether you need a little space or a lot, your needs are valid. Just communicate them clearly. Your partner, friends, or family can’t give you something you aren’t asking for. 2. Use “I” statementsFor example, “I need space because I need time to take care of myself.” This reassures the person that it’s not about them — it’s about meeting your own needs. 3. Come to an agreementIt’s important to have a conversation about what you both need and work out what the “ideal” is for you both. It’s less about having everything you hoped for and more about being on the same page. 4. Use an individuals-first approachYou were whole people before you entered each other’s lives. As much as you care for each other, you shouldn’t blend into the same person. Space is a way to avoid this outcome. How to focus on yourselfWhether you’re asking for space or being asked, it might have been a while since you had time to yourself. Here are some tips to focus on own life:
It’s important to be comfortable being alone. How to give someone space when you don’t want toIt might be scary, but giving your partner space is important for you and your relationship. Here are some steps to overcome your fears about giving someone space:
If the fear of abandonment is too extreme, consider seeking professional help. Therapists can help you identify and overcome your fears. Becoming a better partnerGiving someone space is an act of love and compassion. It shows that you trust and value them for who they are. Giving them space will help them get reacquainted with themselves and deepen your bond. If you have trouble giving space, you might have your own unresolved issues. Learning how to give someone space is an opportunity for self-improvement. Is it good to take space in a relationship?Why Space is Essential. Every healthy relationship needs space from time to time. Giving ourselves space that is separate from our relationship allows us to still maintain individuality. Having physical space or uninterrupted time to ourselves allows us to pay closer attention to our emotions.
How long should you give a guy space?How long to give him space? There is no fixed time, and it could be weeks or months, depending on your relationship status. If your guy has asked you for space, give him all the time he needs and wait for him to reach out to you when he is sorted. 3.
Does taking time apart in a relationship work?Dr. Ford suggests that while breaks can sometimes be a risky move, they can sometimes be the right step for a relationship. The key is to make sure that you are taking a break for the right reasons, establish clear ground rules, and use the time wisely to gain clarity.
Does taking space mean a breakup?"Space in a relationship is normal," Jonathan Bennett, relationship and dating expert at Double Trust Dating, tells Bustle. If you need an evening alone, or want to go on a trip all by your lonesome, it certainly doesn't mean your relationship is falling apart.
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