How to give someone space in a long distance relationship

Nonstop texting. Late night phone calls. A desire to climb through the computer screen. All of these things are bound to happen when you and your partner live far apart. But they're also prime examples of why it's so important to remember to give your partner space in a long-distance relationship (LDR), and vice versa.

It's so easy to overcompensate when you don't live close, or only see each other a few times a year. So if you catch yourself trying to make up for distance by being in constant contact — or if you've noticed tension or signs of codependency — take it as your cue to strike a better balance.

"While you do have to work a little harder to maintain a strong connection [in an LDR] the expectations and boundaries don't have to be different than if you lived in the same place," Shemiah Derrick, LPC, CADC, a licensed professional counselor, tells Bustle.

By creating space, you'll both have time to decompress, reset, and maintain your individuality — something experts say is important, regardless of distance. And if you make it a habit, Derrick says, you'll notice that you'll feel more mindful and connected, instead of scattered and stressed.

There's also the issue of unrealistic expectations, which tend to run rampant in long-distance relationships. It might look like constantly calling and texting each other throughout the day, Dr. Donna T. Novak, PsyD, a licensed psychologist, tells Bustle, as well as getting upset when a message goes unanswered. Lack of space can be the root of stress, anger, and hurt feelings — and it could even end up tearing your LDR apart.

Define What "Space" Means In Your Relationship

Since everyone has different expectations, the best place to start is by defining what "space" will look like in your relationship. Talk about how often, and when, you'd like to chat, as well as whatever else you need to feel loved, respected, and connected.

From there, go about setting up a few guidelines. Derrick suggests agreeing to scheduled "offline hours" where you aren't expected to text each other back right away. It might be during designated times, like a work shift, or during certain situations, like when one of you is out with friends. That way, no one will need to ask for space — it'll just be a given.

You can also agree on a code word or phrase to use on days when life feels extra overwhelming. If your partner says it, you'll know they're only stepping back in order to decompress, not because they're ignoring you. And that, Derrick says, can make all the difference in reducing conflict, confusion, and hurt feelings.

Prioritize Quality Time

There's also something to be said for focusing on quality versus quantity, Novak says. Instead of sending countless texts throughout the day — which could start to feel like a distraction, and maybe even a burden — save all your stories for a daily Zoom call. Use this time to really and truly focus on each other, and chances are the convo will be more meaningful.

Spend Your Time Apart Wisely

Perhaps most important of all, though, is what you both do with your time apart. "Take notice of the things that you enjoy, that make you who you are," Derrick says, and do them as often as possible. By maintaining friendships, hobbies, and downtime, you'll be bringing your best selves to the relationship. And that's key for any couple, whether you're side-by-side or far apart.

Experts:

Dr. Donna T. Novak, PsyD, licensed psychologist

Shemiah Derrick, LPC, CADC, licensed professional counselor

• What Is Space In a Relationship?
• Does Space Mean A Breakup?
• Does Needing Space Mean It’s Over?
• Does Space Mean No Contact?
• Is Space Okay In A Relationship?
• Can Space Save A Relationship?
• How long should I give him space?
• How To Give Him Space?
  • 1) Discuss Space With Him.
  • 2) Come With Different Proposals.
  • 3) Stay Polite And Optimistic.
  • 4) Use Space As A merit.
  • 5) Enjoy yourself and let him Enjoy Himself.
  • 6) Be There If Asks For Favour.
  • 7) Get Catharsis Being Individual.
  • 8) Don’t Last the Space too Long.
  • 9) Welcome Him Back.
• How to give him space without losing him?
• How to give him space in a long-distance relationship?
• My boyfriend wants space how long should I wait?
• In a Nutshell.

What Is Space In a Relationship?

In relationships, space is the deliberate interval between partners to avoid boredom from the daily functioning of life. 

It assists them in maintaining individuality.

Furthermore, if there are misconceptions among partners or they are having an unhealthy relationship for a considerable time, space provides them the opportunity to be chastened. It paves the way for a new pleasant beginning.

Does Space Mean A Breakup?

No, space does not mean a breakup. It is a short break to catch the second wind when partners get exhausted by maintaining the relationship pleasant. 1

It saves the partners from submerging themselves into each other. By space, they get a chance to keep their individuality alive.

Does Needing Space Mean It’s Over?

No, needing a space does not mean it’s over. It means that one of the partners wants to have some time to live on their own. 

Psychologically, by routine, we get bored. It is a realistic demand to have some time to spend in innovative ways or in ways in which one gets satisfied or catharsis. 

So, needing a space does not hurt the relationship rather, it proves productive to carry it on with devotion.

Space does not mean not having any contact at all. It means not to disturb your partner during space until they themself contact or ask for help.

During space, the partner is allowed to spend their time according to their own. So they should be facilitated with a “no disturbance” rule so that they may be refreshed during the time of space.

Is Space Okay In A Relationship?

Yes, space is okay in a relationship unless it lasts longer to bring damage. Big space or space in anger can be damaging to the relationship. Space is meant to get rid of boredom, not to develop it. 2

Being human beings, we can’t live continuously with routines where we have to deal with certain duties. Not to get faded away, one has to maintain their individuality. By space, they find enough time to work on themselves.

Can Space Save A Relationship?

Yes, a healthy space can save a relationship. There are ups and downs in every relationship. 

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Because of a lack of mutual understanding, things get heated and partners can’t keep their heads cool. The result is shown in the form of disputes. 

If this scene is repeated frequently, it demands to have a break. This break is the space that allows the partners to ponder over the issues and paves the way to reconciliation. 

In their vivid reflection, they come to know that things were not as vulnerable as they had considered. They come across the positivity of their partner and get chastened. 

Thus, a healthy space can save a relationship.

How long should I give him space?

There is not a calculated time for space in relationships. Actually, humans get habitual of things and persons instantly or later. If you give him space for a long time, he will likely be indulged in different objects and lose interest in you. 

According to certified relationship counselors, space should not last more than a week. If it lasts more than a week, you will miss the passion between you people and it will be less exciting when you reunite. 

The ideal seems to catch him back on the fourth day of space.

With a polite tone and sweetness of tongue, discuss space with him. Come with different proposals if your partner has no idea about space. 

Use this space as a positive turning point for your relationship. Refresh yourself and let him refresh himself by being in your dream cycle for some days. It will purify the hearts and chasten the souls. 

During space, avoid unnecessary interruption. Never try to expand this space for more than a week as humans get habitual quickly and he should not know how to live without you. Be ready with pleasant surprises to welcome him back. 

That’s it. 

You people had a successful space to make your relationship more healthy.

1) Discuss Space With Him.

If you already are having trouble in your relationship and there is no healthy discussion between you people for a considerable time, have a good sitting of communication and discuss space with your partner. 

If all is fine even then discuss with them that you want to have space to make your relationship more healthy. Tell him about individuality and its importance. To remember is to be polite to him during this discussion.

2) Come With Different Proposals.

There are possibilities that your partner has no idea about the space. He doesn’t even know what to do during this time. 

Here you should come up with different proposals for him. As he is your partner, you know his tastes and aspirations more vividly. 

Tell him about the trip for which he has been crazy for a long time. Tell him about his old friends with whom he always wanted to spend time to refresh his recollections with them. Tell him about his individuality and how by enjoying himself, he can maintain it.

If you come to know that he has his own plans, that’s more than good. There are possibilities you will welcome his best version after this short break.

3) Stay Polite And Optimistic.

It happens when people talk about space with their partner, they come with sour words and taunts. 

As they have made up their mind about space, they hardly think that it is just a break and they have to come back. By their rude departure, they kill the positive objective of the space.

So, while discussing space with your partner, stay polite and optimistic. It will give him your good gesture and the best impression. During space, it will last on his senses. Being optimistic and polite, you can make this space valuable for your relationship.

4) Use Space As A merit.

According to psychiatrists and marriage counselors, space is merit and mandatory in relationships. It provides you with the opportunity to reconsider your decisions, maintain your individuality, and adjust the misconceptions.

So use this space of yours as merit to your relationship. If you want to spend time with and for yourself, here it provides an opportunity, grab it. It will give a new enthusiastic life to your person and your relationship.

5) Enjoy yourself and let him Enjoy Himself.

In this world of busy bees, everybody dreams about leisure. One hardly finds time for themselves. Thus, individuality and self-care are being ruined without being noticed.

While giving him space, you will let him enjoy himself and will find time for yourself to spend days only being yourself.

Don’t try to ruin this time by doing some extra domestic or official work. Materialize your plans for which you have been thinking for a long time. Now you have enough time to spend some hassle-free days.

6) Be There If Asks For Favour.

Once you have given him space, don’t contact him again and again with popping questions in your mind. 

Don’t even ask what about you, honey? I am missing you. Are you missing me too? It will be undesirable. Space means space. Both the partners should be at the break.

If he calls you and asks for a favor, be there to provide him with one. But be limited to the point for which he has asked. Don’t interrupt him and don’t even go for polite inquiries. Being limited during this time will make this break a fresh whiff to your relationship.

7) Get Catharsis Being Individual.

Catharsis is to purge your undesired emotions. It helps you to feel fresh after being depressed for a considerable time.

Space is giving you people time to remove all the negativity and “blame, shame” culture from your relationship.

If you don’t have so, as I am hoping, even then it’s good to plan some new surprises for your partner to welcome him back after the break.

As the main objective of the space is to purify the souls and hearts, if there were any prejudice, it would be whitewashed.

8) Don’t Last the Space too Long.

Whether it’s good about humans or bad but it is that they get habitual with and without things and persons. What they require is time.

Being away from each other for a long time kills the thrill of love. One gets engaged in different objects and time starts passing gradually.

Here, in the case of space, it should not be. Don’t try to expand this space for more than a week, as he should not learn to live without you. After spending one week away from each other, you will realize what worth you are having in each other’s company.

9) Welcome Him Back.

After spending a week in space, prepare yourself to welcome him back with a smiling face and warm hug. You can even plan some pleasant surprise for him to welcome him back.

As we have discussed several times in this article, space is for the good of your relationship, so don’t even try to welcome back your partner with the coldness of manners and dullness of face. 

Rather, be beamed at his arrival so that he may get realized that he was missed and now he will be loved more than ever.

How to give him space without losing him?

Space never makes you lose your partner. It is the pre-space behaviors and dealings that impact space. If you have been dealing with him with all your heart and soul, nobody can snatch him from you. Wherever he goes, he will return for you.

If before space your dealings are all love and care for him, you will certainly not lose him rather this space will make him crazy for you.

How to give him space in a long-distance relationship?

“No contact policy” is the rule for space in long-distance relationships. Ask him to enjoy some days with himself, his family or friends, or with whom he feels comfortable.

During this time, don’t contact him. Don’t send him “missing you” texts. Yes, if he himself texts or calls you, be there with a straightforward reply. Don’t make the conversations long, so the purpose of space should not be lost. And the purpose is to get refreshed. Enjoy yourself and let him enjoy himself.

My boyfriend wants space how long should I wait?

If your boyfriend wants space, hold him for two or three days. Love him more than ever, be romantic with him with all your sensuality. Make him addicted to your person by being the best version of yourself. 

As you feel, he is in his best mood and is fully excited with you; give him space. It will make him crazy for you and soon he will be back with you. Hugging you, he will tell you, “Babe I can’t live without you.”

The hidden meaning is, give him space, but before it, don’t forget to make him crazy for you.

In a Nutshell.

In relationships, space is the pleasant break among partners to catch their second wind after the continuous routine toil. It proves healthy and gives new meanings to the relationships, as it is helpful to maintain individualities. 

Furthermore, it makes the partners realize each other’s worth in the relationship.

While you intend to give him space, never let the main objective die that it is to improve your relationship. During space, enjoy yourself and let him enjoy himself. 

Don’t interrupt each other. Spend your time refreshing yourself. Stay positive and energetic. As it gets over, welcome him back with love.

References:

1. Krapf S. Moving in or Breaking Up? The Role of Distance in the Development of Romantic Relationships. Eur J Popul. 2017 May 24;34(3):313-336. [↑]
2. https://www.smh.com.au/lifestyle/forget-sex-the-secret-to-a-longlasting-relationship-is-space-20121105-28tle.html [↑]

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