What age should a girl start dating

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Read more:
Is 14 a good age to start dating?
Should I let my 12 year old daughter have a boyfriend?
What age do girls start liking boys?

As a parent, you have to be committed to guiding your child through several complex stages of life. You go from changing their diapers, to teaching them how to tie their shoes and eventually helping them understand love and the concept of dating. The teen years are not going to be easy on you or your child, so what is the appropriate age for teenagers to start dating and how can you prepare yourself for potential issues?

Most experts recommend 15 and 16 as the ideal ages to begin dating. For Dr. Ron Eagar, a paediatrician at Denver Health Medical Center, the best age is 16. He told HealthyChildren.org, “There’s an enormous difference between a 14 or 15-year-old and a 16 or 17-year-old in terms of life experience.” The answer also depends other significant factors, such as your child’s personality and level of maturity.

When it comes to teenage romance, adults generally have a cynical view of it. A boy and a girl stroll down the street holding hands, and all parents can see is their child’s testosterone and oestrogen going out on a date. However, the most important thing is to not make your child feel bad about his or her feelings, even if you think they may be too young to have them. Dr. George Comeric, a Tuscan paediatrician, told HealthyChildren.org, “Parents should never minimise or ridicule a first love. It is a very important relationship to teenagers, and it’s important for another reason, in that it is their first intimate relationship with someone outside their family”.

If your child’s grades are not deteriorating and everything else seems stable, you should allow them to progress from friendships to dating at their own pace and try not to overthink it. Trust and empathy are essential for a healthy family relationship, so calmly supervise your teens and let them know that they can come to you if they need someone to talk to.

Jade Yeo

Photo: Getty Images

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Some people start dating at 16, 17, 18 or later. The age that you should start dating depends on what your parents think which is likely based on religious and cultural beliefs along with their own values. The definition of dating has changed since your parents were young so it’s important to explain what you mean by “dating.” Do you want to text or talk to someone you like?, or are you interested in doing an activity with someone such as going to the movies, or hanging out? Usually before a parent or guardian give permission for their child to date, they will likely want to have a conversation about certain rules that you will need to follow, for example: a curfew (when you will have to be home), whether or not they will allow you to be a passenger in a car with a teenage driver, how much time you can spend with the person, and how much time you can spend on your phone, texting or calling, etc.

Choose a time to talk to your parent(s) or guardian when you and your family are not rushing out the door or stressed out. Tell them that you want to know what their dating policy is so you will know what to expect.

What is the right age to start dating? I posed this question to my own teenage daughter. I expected something pushing the boundaries, along the lines of “tomorrow night”, but instead, she surprised me with an insightful comment: “It depends on the person,” she said. “And on what you mean by dating.”

Although some children may start dating before they officially become teenagers, most will only be brave enough to ask someone out when they hit age 13 or 14. Still, when that age group says that they’re “dating”, their interpretation of the concept will vary:

We are now boyfriend and girlfriend. This means we blush and turn away when we see each other at school. In the evening, we Skype or text or Snapchat.
We don’t sit together at lunch, but once or twice a week we walk home from school holding hands, then play computer games or go to the beach.
When we go out, it’s always with a group of friends. We “like-like” each other, but we never socialise as a couple.
We socialise as a couple, and sometimes get physical.

Although some experts warn against waiting too long to allow kids to date, many recommend 15 or 16 as the ideal ages to begin dating one-on-one. Ron Eagar, a paediatrician at Denver Health Medical Centre, explains it as follows: “There’s an enormous difference between a 14-year-old and a 16-year-old in terms of life experience.” He believes that, at age 14, teens are not equipped to navigate the tricky riptides of romantic relationships.

Of course, there are 14-year olds and there are 14-year olds. Some are more mature emotionally, others more mature physically. If you’re uncomfortable with your teen going on a date for whatever reason, have an open discussion about your reservations.

Be sure to mention the potential of hearts getting broken (theirs or the other person’s), as well as the different expectations people bring to the dating table (yes, we’re talking about the level of sexual engagement: Some teens may be satisfied with holding hands; others may not). Logistics will also have to enter into the equation: If your teen doesn’t have a driving licence or access to a car, will parents be expected to drive the young couple to dates, or is public transport an option? In today’s time-poor society, questions might need to be raised about the amount of time your teen can earmark for dating.

The fundamental thing is to listen and to acknowledge your teen’s feelings. Don’t trivialise the issue with comments along the lines of “You’ll get over it,” or “Most people don’t get married to their high school sweetheart.” First love can be a powerful emotion. In the words of Dr George Comerci, a Tucson paediatrician, “It is a very important relationship to teenagers, and it’s important for another reason, in that it is their first intimate relationship with someone outside their family.”

What is the right age to start dating? There is no magic number. Consider your child’s personality, their maturity level, and how busy their after-school schedule is. Whether they’re dating or just having a crush, let them know you are there for them if they need you.

Food for thought: Teenage pregnancies

A study conducted in the USA found that about 40% of teenagers had had sexual intercourse at least once, and the figure is similar in New Zealand. However, teenage pregnancies in New Zealand are on the decline, with only about 3 in 100 teenage girls getting pregnant nowadays.

Need to know: Online teen dating

There are several websites dedicated to Kiwi teenagers dating online. While this form of dating may seem preferable to younger teens (or their parents), it’s important to follow the usual safety rules:

Don’t reveal personal information.
Watch out for warning signs (oddities, inconsistencies, outdated slang).
Don’t feel pressured into doing anything you don’t want to do, or you know that you shouldn’t do.
Don’t meet your love interest alone: take a friend, tell others where you’re going, and meet at a busy place like a café.

YVONNE EVE WALUS IS AN EDUCATION SPECIALIST, SENIOR CONSULTANT TO CREATIVE LEARNING SYSTEMS IN AUCKLAND, AND A MOTHER OF TWO CHILDREN.

Is 14 a good age to start dating?

As a general guideline, Dr. Eagar advises not allowing single dating before age sixteen. “There's an enormous difference between a fourteen- or fifteen-year- old and a sixteen- or seventeen-year-old in terms of life experience,” he says.

Should I let my 12 year old daughter have a boyfriend?

There are no hard and fast rules when it comes to tween dating. So, ultimately you will need to decide what is best given your child's temperament. If you decide that you are okay with your tween dating in a group setting, make sure you set some ground rules and communicate those clearly and effectively.

What age do girls start liking boys?

First crushes may occur at any time, but generally start at around 10-13 years of age. They are an important step in developing normal and healthy romantic relationships, and provide opportunities to learn how to compromise and communicate.