How to date a aromantic pansexual reddit

Me (18F) when my boyfriend (18) have been dating for a little over 2 years now and he recently came out to me as aromantic. The main issue is that my love language is touch and I need quite a bit of attention (I'm working in that right now) and he doesn't fully understand why because he is incapable of feeling romantic love. I was told to come here for some better advice than from r/relationship_advice. Do you think you could help me understand better on how an aro person thinks during a relationship and how I can help him feel less uncomfortable if he ever comes to me saying he's uncomfortable with something I do? And how do I let him know that I need a little more attention than he thought? And if he can't give me what I need, how to help myself to become a little less needy? Any amount of advice would be extremely helpful.

I've been identifying as panromanticsexual for a little over a year now. But just a couple days ago, I realized I was aromantic not panromantic. Like, I want a romantic relationship, but I don't get romantic feelings for people. I was wondering if anyone knew the best way to go about this, in terms of having a potential future partner. I want to date someone, give someone affection and have a strong relationship with someone, but I'll only have platonic and likely sexual feelings for this person, and I don't want to have someone date me, or even marry me, knowing I don't feel that kind of love towards them.

Does anyone have any advice?

i was at one point, but then i realized i'm actually abro(fluid between pan, omni, poly, ace, trixic, and idk if theres a term for this, but basically not liking cis men. i was abused by one, so it kind of gave me a bad impression of them. enough about me talk) and i say of course you can

I think i may be pansexual aromantic but I haven’t seen someone pan/aro before. Is it strange to feel sexual but not romantic attraction? Isn’t this like, using others just for sex? I’m really scared because of it.

level 1

Why? It's not using people if they know the deal and agree with it. So sure, if you're aro, but you feel sexually attracted to people, that's valid. I imagine there will possibly be difficulties, because amatonormativity, but that's something we all grapple with. As long as you're not an asshole about it, you won't be an asshole because of it.

level 2

Very much this! You're valid. I'm heterosexual and aro, I date but am honest about my intentions.

level 1

I'm aromantic pansexual.

Its not using people for sex unless you are leading them on pretending you want to date them when you don't.

I am also a relationship anarchist, so non monogamous. All of my sexual partners are also non monogamous and have other partners/romantic partners. Im also involved in kink/bdsm so that lifestyle is another are i connect with people in so sexual partners are sorta fwb/play partner type connections

level 1

hello i'm aro pan, it doesn't feel strange at all, just means you enjoy sexual encounters without romance. There are many relationships that fit this. Also sexual attraction is not the only attraction you could feel. There's sensual, emotional, romantic, & aesthetic attraction in general. i feel all of these for any gender but romantic. i hope this helps

level 1

That'S absolutely valid. I am a pan/aro person too. Romantic attraction is not linked to any other kind of attraction. So even if you don't feel romantically towards someone you can still experience sexual or alterous attraction.

level 1

Idk seems pretty valid to me

level 1

you can be using people for sex even if you have romantic attraction for them, and you can have sex without having romantic attraction without it being using them for sex

you can have sex with a platonic friend because you care about them and want to express that via sex

level 1

It's definitely valid! For one thing, being attracted to all genders doesn't automatically mean you want to have more sex than other people. Second, sex isn't a bad thing just because romance isn't involved. Unless you're convincing someone to have sex with you by pretending to be interested in a romantic relationship, there's nothing wrong or manipulative or predatory about sex without romance. As with everyone, aro or not, the important thing is to be true to yourself, be honest about your intentions, and respect others' boundaries.

level 1

yes, pansexual aromantics are valid

level 1

Well, I'm here... you're not using people for sex if they know since the beginning what are your intentions

level 1

I'm aromantic pansexual. As long as you're honest and don't lead people on, then it's totally fine to engage in sex between two consenting adults without worrying about "using people for sex". Try not to over think it. I have no intention of dating or becoming romantically involved with anyone, but I'm still sexually attracted to people. I think sex is liberating when you both know there's "no strings attached" (at least in my opinion anyway). Sex doesn't equal love or romantic attraction. Sex simply equals pleasure and you should never feel guilty or scared about being aro. It's who you are. Embrace it and don't put up with amatonormativity-vibes or arophobia Xx

level 1

won't deceive you with the pretense of a relationship.
won't accuse you of being in the closet for being bi.
It's simple, drop em and we'll have fun, no strings, no obligation.
Best kind of friend you can ask for really.