Eden goes for bbc with her workaholic guy not home

Are you one of those whose spouse is addicted to his/her black berry or laptop even while they are at home? Are work pressure and deadlines the only things that occupy your partner's mind? Is your partner engaged in work even on a weekend? Is his professional life an impediment to your intimacy levels?
Increasing work pressure and advancement in technology has gradually blurred the thin line between one's home and workplace, compelling new-age executives to find little time for leisure. Most couples today complain of living with a workaholic spouse or being unable to find a way to strike a balance between work and family time. So, if your answer to any of these questions is 'yes' and you are struggling to steal a few intimate moments out of your partner's 'eternally busy' schedule, here's help...

Don't encourage 'workaholic' tendencies
The first step is to distinguish between a 'hard working' and a 'workaholic' spouse. If you are sure of his/her workaholic tendencies, the best way to begin is by not encouraging his obsession with his work. Make him realise there are more important things than money in this world.
"Don't make it a habit to stay awake waiting for him to join you for dinner or keeping your children awake to spend quality time with him. Don't always delay family plans to include your spouse. Doing so may encourage him/her to stretch their working hours and take you for granted. Ignoring your partner may help them realise what they've been missing," says psychologist Archana Nanda.

Stop nagging!
Anil Agarwal (name changed on request), 33, a software professional in Delhi says, "I admit that work takes up most of my time and I rarely get time to spend with my wife and kids. But what makes me feel worse is when my wife keeps cribbing about it and blaming me for not contributing in housework or taking care of the kids. I cannot ignore my work or miss deadlines to go shopping with my family!"

It is easy for a workaholic's spouse to lose patience and highlight the consequences of his workaholic tendencies. While it's important to ask your partner for more time and attention, it's equally important to put your requests in a positive manner. "Nagging or blaming your spouse for not finding time for you may make it even more difficult to move towards a comprehensible solution. The complaints should not focus on the spouse's failure to strike a balance between work and family, but on the desired attention and family time," says Arvind Mehta, a psychotherapist and relationship counselor.

Plan a 'no-work' time
"My husband usually comes back late from work and cannot restrain himself from thinking about office or taking phone calls even after that. I have tried to discuss this with him several times, but it's of no help. Even if we plan do go out together or spend time with each other, he usually cancels the same saying work is his foremost priority. I feel helpless and ignored," says Malini, 29, a homemaker.

If your partner finds it difficult to draw a line between work and family life, it's important to plan a 'no-work' time. Ask your partner to schedule time exclusively for you and the family. During this time, persuade your spouse to avoid thinking about work and switch off all work related devices �� laptop, cell phone etc.

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Stay connected! "My wife is obsessed with her work and doesn't talk about anything else even when are out for dinner. She is always on her phone discussing work or office politics with her colleagues, even on weekends. It really annoys me and our son feels neglected too," says Siddharth Joshi (name changed on request) , 34, who works with a multi-national company in Noida.

Even if your partner is busy at work, you can remind him/her of your love and presence with small and meaningful gestures. Sending a mail or calling them during the day will not just make them feel special, but also make them realise that someone outside the workplace is thinking about them. Persuade your spouse not to work at home. This can be helpful in improving communication between the two of you.

Agreeing with Siddharth, Pragya, 28, who works with a multi-national company in Hyderabad says, "Whenever my husband talks about work at dinner or while on a vacation, I change the topic to divert his mind. I make sure I call him up once during the day when he's at work. Staying in touch even when you are away from each other is the best way to deal with a workaholic partner."
Understand your spouse's profession
Make an effort to understand your spouse's work schedule and what keeps him or her glued to their work. Understanding his/her nature or work and professional pressures comes in handy as you become more supportive and less resentful.

"Explore the reasons behind your partner's addiction to work and help him/her deal with it. While your support may help them create a balance between professional and personal life, it's also important to remember that you cannot 'completely' change them or their devotion to work," explains Archana.

Pursue hobbies together
"My husband and I hardly get time with each other as he his usually out on business trips. Even if we go out for a vacation together, he's usually working on his laptop and stays connected with his colleagues all the time. It's not just affecting our marriage but also his health. He doesn't even get enough time to communicate with me," confesses Anu Pathak (name changed on request) , 30, who works with a telecom company in Delhi.

Since workaholics often find it difficult to relax, it's essential to divert his/her attention from work and find a hobby or activity that you can pursue together. Invite him to do things that he/she is sure to enjoy and would not want to miss. Doing things together will keep you and your spouse connected. It can be anything from golf, watching a movie, rock climbing or even being his workout buddy!

Also Read:
Are you a workaholic? Find out...

Do men prefer working wives?

Men put work before family

Do successful women scare men?

Is your hubby working overtime?

Career driven women ignoring family

Work stress straining family relations

Working singles are the unhappiest

Take small steps 'I have to provide for the family, educate my kids, advance in my career and you keep blaming me for working hard? Do you want me to quit my job and stay at home?' Sounds familiar? Your spouse's attachment to his work may be a quest for personal significance and not your insignificance.

Aarti, a housewife, says, "Whenever I ask my husband to take out time for family activities, he says he can't do so as he may be required to go to office at any hour. He always talks about work even at home and it just annoys me. I keep cribbing about it and we end up arguing. I wonder how I can make him understand that there are other things in life besides work."

"Don't force your partner to change his habits suddenly. Give time. You can begin by asking him to come back early from work once a week. Avoid making sarcastic comments and take things slow to get the desired outcome," suggests Archana.
Share your concerns
"Both me and my husband are working in BPOs and we hardly get time to communicate with each other, since work keeps us busy at odd hours. We usually end up venting out our frustration on each other even when we get time for ourselves. I feel distanced from him and it's severely hurting our relationship," confesses Puja Desai, 29, who works in Gurgaon.

Agreeing with Puja, Amit a bank manager adds, "Communicating is the best way to sort out your problems. If I wouldn't tell my wife what hurts or annoys me, she may never get to know. There's no point piling up resentment and hurting yourself."

Be open and honest with your spouse. Don't let his workaholic tendencies hurt your relationship. Not communicating with your partner can lead to serious consequences like depression, anxiety or even finding love outside your marriage. So, it is vital to tell your partner that you feel neglected.

Identify problems, rectify
Have you ever thought about what makes your spouse a workaholic? Does he believe that he is inevitable, everything revolves around him and that his absence will lead to problems at work? If yes, suggest him/her to trust his subordinates and take time off to relax.

"Addiction to work cannot just be toxic for your relationship, but also for your spouse's health. So it's necessary to identify his problem and according rectifying it," adds Archana.

Seek professional help
If none of these techniques help your spouse forgo his/her addiction to work, it may be worthwhile to seek professional help or counselling. Work can truly be an addiction and may be devastating for the relationship, if not addressed at the right time. Sharing your concerns with a counselor may help you find a solution to the problem.

"Couples are usually reluctant to seek professional help regarding such problems. They need to understand that couselling can help in identifying the workaholic's weakness and help in finding a solution," adds Mehta.