I'm having a baby with a sex offender
Mysterious girlPosts: 6Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2016 1:13 pm
I'm having a baby with a sex offender
Hello, I am writing as I am a 21 year old student and my boyfriend is a registered sex offender. He has been on the sex
offender register for 2 years and has 3 years left from something he did when he was under the age of 14. He has only been on the register 2 years as the victim was humming and ahhing whether to take him to court.
Please before you read on, I don't want "why are you with him" opinions, I just want some advice so maybe someone who has been in my shoes or knows someone who has dealt with social services.
He is 25, we have been together 3 and a half years.
I am 25 weeks
pregnant, and have been told by my midwife there is going to be some sort of conference ( She didn't go into detail) sometime before the baby is born involving social services, my midwife and my partners police worker who deals with him. Since being told this, I have been to see a solicitor as I felt my human rights were being played with (even longer story) and she was talking about whether this baby will be taken off me and what would I do. Her saying this scared me to death, will my baby be
taken off me ? Me and my partner currently live with each others parents (separate) and will be for the foreseeable future.
He can have contact with children, just not work with children and even though social services were involved at first as he has two nieces under the age of 18, but can still see them when he wants as long as they are supervised.
My mum does not like my boyfriend and because of this he doesn't even come to my house, which is were the baby will spend most
of his/her time and he will only see the baby on trips out or if I visit his house (which will be quite rare as i'm in the 3rd year of a degree and will have a newborn).
Please help! What do you think will happen regarding me having this baby? I have never been in trouble and have absolutely no convictions or previous convictions, and haven't even been arrested by the police. I don't drink, smoke, do drugs and live a healthy lifestyle.
Thankyou for reading, and I thankyou
in advance if you respond to me
ShaftesburyPosts: 48Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:08 pm
Re: I'm having a baby with a sex offender
Post by Shaftesbury » Mon Jan 11, 2016 10:46 pm
Hi. I don't have a lot of time to respond at the moment but I wanted to because my partner is also a sex offender
and I have three children. The conference will be a child protection conference to assess the risk your partner poses to your baby. Your unborn baby will likely be put on a child protection plan and everything will be monitored with all the professionals you mentioned being involved. It sounds scary, and I was scared at first, but you get used to it after a while. The process does drag on though. They will want to look at your situation and whether they feel you can protect your baby and look at
how much risk your partner could pose.
My main advice is to go along with everything you are told. You may be requested to attend courses or counselling and you must do this.
I'm so like you in that I don't drink, smoke or do drugs etc lol.
I'm really interested to hear how you get on so do let us know. Sorry I don't have time to answer more fully right now though.
Good luck
Mysterious girlPosts: 6Joined: Mon Jan 11, 2016 1:13 pm
Re: I'm having a baby with a sex offender
Post by Mysterious girl » Mon Jan 11, 2016 11:06 pm
Shaftesbury wrote:Hi. I don't have a lot of time to respond at the moment but I wanted to because my partner is also a sex offender and I have three children. The conference will be a child protection conference to assess the risk your partner poses to your baby. Your unborn baby will likely be put on a child protection plan and everything will be monitored with all the professionals you mentioned being involved. It sounds scary, and I was scared at first, but you get used to it after a while. The process does drag on though. They will want to look at your situation and whether they feel you can protect your baby and look at how much risk your partner could pose.
My main advice is to go along with everything you are told. You may be requested to attend courses or counselling and you must do this.
I'm so like you in that I don't drink, smoke or do drugs etc lol.
I'm really interested to hear how you get on so do let us know. Sorry I don't have time to answer more fully right now though.
Good luck
Thankyou for the reply! It means so much
Re: I'm having a baby with a sex offender
Post by Suzie, FRG Adviser » Thu Jan 14, 2016 6:07 pm
Dear Mysterious girl
Welcome to the parents’ discussion board, my name is Suzie, one of FRG’s online advisers.
Sorry to hear that you are going through such a distressing time in relation to the forthcoming Pre-Birth Child Protection Conference in respect of your unborn child.
In your post you state that your 25
year old boyfriend’s name is on the Sexual Offenders’ Register for an offence convicted when he was under 14. He is required to have supervised contact with children under 18.
It seems that you have received some helpful advice by Shaftesbury who has recommended you continue to cooperate with the child protection process and what you can expect to happen.
You may also find it helpful to contact the Lucy Faithfull
Foundation , an organisation with expertise in supporting families experiencing similar difficulties where a sexual offence or risk of sexual offending is of concern.
Please advise if you require any further assistance at this time.
Best Wishes
Suzie
Glitter202Posts: 2Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 9:04 pm
Re: I'm having a baby with a sex offender
Post by Glitter202 » Thu May 12, 2016 10:21 pm
Hi, so i don't really know where to start but im posting here because i feel this post is relevent to a situation i could possible be in. I was with my other half for 10years but during a split he made a big mistake and has ended up on the sex offenders register for 5years. We have recently got back together and i am just wanting to know where i would stand if me and him were to have a baby. I understand that social services would interveen which is understandable but would
it be a case of him although being the father, not allowed unsupervised contact for the full duration of him being on the register? Surely if reviews are continued and he is not seen as a risk to his own child then unsupervised contact would be allowed?
Thank you in advance for any replies x
ShaftesburyPosts: 48Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:08 pm
Re: I'm having a baby with a sex offender
Post by Shaftesbury » Fri May 13, 2016 2:40 pm
Hiya. Obviously Suzie will be able to answer properly but I'm in a relationship with a sex offender and have been involved with Children's Services for the last 18 months so I have a vague idea of what may happen.
I'd say it all really depends on what the sexual offence is, what his risk assessments show, and what your social worker would decide. My partner isn't allowed any contact with his child at all, whether supervised or unsupervised. Your baby may be born
into a Child Protect Plan which allows supervised contact, or all contact may be forbidden. Even when he comes off the register CS may still have concerns and he may still then not be allowed contact, or unsupervised contact at least. My partner comes off the Register in 2 years but isn't allowed contact with my children until 2029.
Anyway, I just wanted to say be prepared. Involvement with CS is a long and slow process and you may be asked to attend courses and counselling etc.
However, as I said before it possibly really depends on what the offence is.
Good luck!
Glitter202Posts: 2Joined: Wed May 11, 2016 9:04 pm
Re: I'm having a baby with a sex offender
Post by Glitter202 » Fri May 13, 2016 9:48 pm
Thanks for a quick reply shaftesbury!
Yea i suppose every case is different, its just an uneasy feeling not knowing where we would stand with his rights as a father. Im thinking some sort of counselling would be a good move, i just have alot of worries on how i would manage working
etc if he cant be alone with our baby because our families arnt so supportive of us getting back together.
With his offence well he met a girl who told him she was 18 and when their brief relationship ended she came clean about being 15, then with pressure from her parents they decided to go to the police leaving him being charged with grooming an underage..
In hindsight he maby should have seen the signs she was underage but it fustrates me how more and more young girls are so
mature now not only in there looks but also there attitude. Call me old but 10years ago when i was 15 i was just about getting to grips with plucking my brows let alone fussing over false lashes, tanning and over lined lips.
Anyway rant over, just had to let off some stream x
ShaftesburyPosts: 48Joined: Thu Jan 29, 2015 8:08 pm
Re: I'm having a baby with a sex offender
Post by Shaftesbury » Fri May 13, 2016 10:56 pm
My boyfriend had a week-long relationship with a girl who was 10 days before her 16th birthday and he was sentenced to a year in prison and ten years on the Register.
I'm going to send you a PM when I get a minute.