Most every day, I ask Amazon Alexa to tell me a joke. They are mostly dad-style puns. You can ask for Star Trek, Star Wars, LotR, superhero, or many other genre categories but they are uniformly harmless, with nothing gross or offensive.
— Gail Simone 💙💛 (@GailSimone) April 22, 2021
Until two days ago.
1/
I hate when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their moustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore..
I just don't get some people. I mean, you compliment on their mustache out of sheer politeness...
...and all of a sudden she hates your guts.
My buddy tells me he had sex with his GF and her twin the other night.
I asked him how he told them apart.
He says, "well her brother has a mustache"
What is the only appropriate to slap a Portuguese woman in the mouth?
When her mustache is on fire.
When is the only appropriate time to spit in an Italian woman's face?
When her mustache is on fire!
When is the only right time to slap an ugly woman?
When her mustache is on fire.
I complimented someone for their amazing mustache.
I don't understand why she threw a fit though.
People need to learn how to take a compliment...
Just today I complimented the most epic mustache I've ever seen and the lady didn't even say thanks.
My buddy told me he had a threesome with his girlfriend and her twin.......
I asked how he could tell them apart. He said "Her brother has a mustache."
Why is it that whenever you complement someone on their mustache...
suddenly she's not your friend anymore?
Today I found Jesus in my life. Let me tell you about him.
He is tan with a thick black mustache, and eyes so brown they make your soul melt. He is my gardner, the best I have ever employed.
You can explore mustache walrus reddit one liners, including funnies and gags. Read them and you will understand what jokes are funny? Those of you who have teens can tell them clean mustache unibrow dad jokes. There are also mustache puns for kids, 5 year olds, boys and girls.
Accidentally told a joke at work today
Lost a bet and had to grow a mustache.
Co-worker: "Hey booskadoo247, how do you like your mustache?"
booskado247: "It's growing on me."
Accidental Comedian strikes again!
A man walks into a t-shirt store...
There are 3 shirts on display.
The first has a picture of Richard Nixon with a white mustache. Below the picture is titled "Got Milk."
The second tee shirt has a picture of Ronald Reagan with a white mustache. It is entitled "Forgot Milk."
The third tee shirt has a picture of Monica Lewinsky with a white mustache. It is entitled "Not Milk."
I spent 20 years traversing across the globe searching for the best mustache...
... Until I realized the best mustache was right under my nose the whole time
I told my SO that now Movember is over they should shave their mustache.
She didn't take it very well.
My friend has been hiding something.
I was cleaning my friend's room for him the other day and moved a pile of clothes off of the floor and into the hamper. To my surprise, when I lifted them, I found a perfectly gelled, expertly trimmed mustache on the ground, I saw him the next day and confronted him about my discovery. ''You got me.'' he said... I had just found his secret stache.
How does a mustache support his family in the event of his untimely death?
By investing in a shavings account.
My friend told me my mustache makes me looks like Jeffery Dahmer.
I said, "Thanks. I've always wanted a killer stache."
Stopped shaving for November, at first I hated the mustache, but what can I say?
It's grown on me.
Complementing a mustache should be a good thing
I don't know why she took it as an insult.
I shaved my mustache after having kept it for a few years
I hated the way I looked at first, but it's growing on me.
My girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had sex for the first time.
I said no honey, your mustache looks fine.
My wife said my mustache brought out my personality.
I replied, Yeah, it's growing on me
(Thought of this one right before sleep, I'll check on it in the morning)
What do you call a mustache soaked in urine?
A pistachio.
I hated the way I looked after I shaved my mustache...
But then it started growing on me.
With a sultry look and come-hither eyes filled with passion, my girlfriend asked me if I wanted her to shave before we had sex for the first time. I rasped...
"No honey, your mustache looks fine to me."
Having an Asian wife is like having a mustache...
Everyone assumes that you molest children.
At first I wasn't sure if I liked the mustache
But it's growing on me.
I was walking down the street, and some guy came up to me and shaved off my mustache!
He stole it from right under my nose!
I made a genuine compliment about a co-workers mustache
I don't know why she made such a big deal about it to HR.
Women are like the police
Once they've settled on a partner they eat a lot of donuts and then grow a mustache
Conpliment someone on their mustache ....
And suddenly she won't talk to you.
In defense of Hitler ...
he sure made that awful mustache REALLY unpopular.
I am liking my mustache more and more every day
its really growing on me
An Eskimo goes to the mechanic
the mechanic says "It looks like you blew a seal." and the Eskimo says "No, that's just frost on my mustache."
How are lesbians and walruses different?
One has a mustache and smells like fish and the other one is a walrus.
I just complimented someone's mustache
and suddenly I'm not friends with her anymore. :(
Back in the early 1900s Japanese cops always had a mustache
One day a Japanese man walks into a restaurant and asks the waiter for a free bowl of ramen because he is a cop. The waiter replied " you dont have a mustache so how do i know id you are a real cop...". The man quickly pulls down his pants and undys, points to his bush and says "im undercover"
What is the difference between a gay man's mustache and a straight man's mustache?
The smell.
Sorry, stole this from the movie This is 40 and I was cracking up.
What's the difference between your mom & a Walrus?
One has a mustache, and smells like fish.
The other one is a Walrus.
Decided to start rocking a mustache during quarantine...
Wasn't a fan of it at first but it has started to grow on me
I haven't shaved my mustache since the lockdown begun...
And it's kind of growing on me.
While living alone and always wearing a mask in public, I grew a mustache without anyone knowing.
It's my secret 'stache.
My wife said she found my first gray hair, but I didn't believe her for the longest time. Then when I was brushing my teeth this morning I saw it in the mirror, on the left side of my mustache.
It was right under my nose this whole time.
One day a Soviet Party member is walking through red square when he hears a man shout down with the tyrant with the mustache.
Immediately the party member drags the man to Stalin and explains what he said. Stalin, furious asks: why did you say that? The man replies he was talking about Hitler. Stalin understands and sends the man on his way. The party member is about to go as well but is stopped by Stalin and asked: which mustached tyrant were you thinking of when you dragged the man here?
I hate when you offer someone a sincere complement on their mustache
And suddenly she's not your friend anymore.
I spent years searching for the perfect mustache
It was right under my nose the whole time.
I was thinking about shaving my mustache when November ended
But it's growing on me.
A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells :
I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader! A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him, later he brings the man to Stalin. Soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man : Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?