How do you explain Lgbtq to a child?

How parents and caregivers can talk to kids about LGBTQ identity. Credit: Getty Images/Hero Images

If you're a parent or caregiver unsure of how to start a conversation with a child about what it means to be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer, consider Pride Month the perfect excuse to start an ongoing dialogue.

From rainbow Pride flags and sports jerseys, to dozens of Pride parades, to Pride-related political events, there's a good chance your child will have questions about the monthlong celebration -- and why it's so important to talk openly about LGBTQ experiences and identity.

"They may bring it home to you as part of their discussion of the day," saysEliza Byard, executive director of GLSEN, a nonprofit advocacy network focused on creating LGBT-inclusive schools.

If you want to feel better prepared for that moment, the following tips from Byard will help:

1. Have the conversation regardless of whether a child has come out as LGBTQ.

Byard says parents and caregivers should talk to kids about LGBTQ issues even if there's no indication a child might be lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer.

"You’re sending a very important signal by being open to the conversation."

"Your child might turn out themselves to be LGBT, but the other thing you can do is help reduce and eliminate anti-LGBT prejudice by making the topic one that’s easy to talk about," says Byard. "You’re sending a very important signal by being open to the conversation."

Though you may want to familiarize yourself with words and concepts commonly used to describe lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, and queer identity, Byard says parents and caregivers don't have to know everything before talking to a child. In fact, you might even consider admitting what you don't know. Conversations can be wonderful opportunities to learn from your children, she says.

2. Be ready to speak and listen without judgment.

Byard recommends an "openhearted" approach to discussing LGBTQ identity with a child. First, if that young person thinks they're LGBTQ, they might bring up a related subject to test your level of tolerance and acceptance. By seeing your own openness to the conversation, they'll feel a greater level of safety and security, says Byard.

Moreover, when parents and caregivers set a compassionate and empathetic example, it helps children model that behavior. Byard says it's particularly important for parents of heterosexual and cisgender kids to make clear that discrimination and violence aren't acceptable behaviors. Your level of comfort and the language you use with a child can reinforce or diffuse negative and potentially dangerous stereotypes of LGBTQ people.

For parents who may not be prepared to have these conversations because of personal or religious beliefs, Byard says it's "absolutely critical" to a child's well being that you let them know they're loved, even if you don't agree with their sexuality or identity.

3. Talk about universal values.

If you feel out of your depth talking about LGBTQ issues, try focusing on universal values. Pride Month, for example, is about "being able to be fully who you are, no matter who you are," says Byard. "When you let your child experience you talking about that, it may give them permission to be who they are."

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This isn't just inspiring for children who identify as LGBTQ. Kids who feel constrained in other ways -- think of the boy who doesn't want to play football or the girl who is bullied for liking computer science -- might find hope in the message of Pride Month. The same can be true for discussing same-sex marriage; the value of "love is love" is critical for LGBTQ, heterosexual, and cisgender children to hear.

4. Focus on simple concepts.

Many parents and caregivers are intimidated by the prospect of talking to their kids about sexuality. Children really do ask the darnedest things, and this subject often means fielding (or dodging) questions about sex and genitalia.

In this situation, Byard recommends appearing comfortable in front of kids. So if you're discussing what it means to be transgender, for example, you can start with the age-old adage that a book can't be judged by its cover. That's a relatable, well-known idea that can spark a broader conversation about how you might not correctly guess someone's gender identity just by looking at them, and how some people might appear one way but feel differently inside.

5. Address and denounce discrimination.

The Trump administration has arguably targeted LGBT rights by, among other things, instituting a ban on some transgender service members and rolling back key parts of an Obama-era executive order that banned federal contractors from discriminating against workers based on their sexual orientation and gender identity.

Conversations about LGBTQ identity with children shouldn't avoid this political reality or the broader history of homophobic and transphobic laws and policies.

Byard suggests parents and caregivers frame these challenges for younger children as a matter of fairness and for older children as a civil rights issue. They can also put into context how beliefs and laws change over time. And while Byard acknowledges there's space for people to hold varying private beliefs, there's an expectation that we should all publicly "behave toward each other with respect." Talking to children about LGBTQ discrimination will help them understand what respect and fairness should look like.

"For every parent in the United States right now we have an incredibly important job to do," says Byard, "and that job is to demonstrate to every single child that there is love and care and connection for every child, no matter who they are."

Rebecca Ruiz is a Senior Features Writer at Mashable. She frequently covers mental health, science, parenting, and politics for Mashable's Social Good coverage. She has also reported on gender and equality for the site. Prior to Mashable, Rebecca was a staff writer, reporter, and editor at NBC News Digital, special reports project director at The American Prospect, and staff writer at Forbes. Rebecca has a B.A. from Sarah Lawrence College and a Master's in Journalism from U.C. Berkeley. In her free time, she enjoys playing soccer, watching movie trailers, traveling to places where she can't get cell service, and hiking with her border collie.

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What does Lgbtq+ mean for kids?

LGBTQ+: Acronym for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender and Queer people plus community members who use different language to describe identity. Queer: People use this word as a way to identify with and celebrate people of all gender identities and all the ways people love each other.

How do you explain pride to a child?

5 Top Tips for Talking About LGBTQ Identity with Kids.
Keep it Simple and Honest. ... .
Listen Without Judgement. ... .
Promote Acceptance & Diversity. ... .
Be Positive and Affirming..

How do you explain the rainbow flag to a child?

How to Talk about LGBTQ Pride Month with Your Child.
Talk about universal values and your family's values..
Keep it simple. Try to be relaxed and comfortable. ... .
Have an ongoing conversation about diversity, difference, and discrimination rather than one “big talk”..
Kids love the colors of the flag..

Why is it important for children to know about Lgbtq?

Lastly, including LGBTQ topics in elementary school classrooms is important to do for all children because we all live in a world with LGBTQ people. Children—even if they have a mom and a dad, identify as straight, and fit gender norms—will encounter LGBTQ people in their families, schools, workplaces, and communities.

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